Finding Value in Imperfect Feedback

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Much of the feedback we receive has nothing to do with us. Research into this topic has shown that over half of the feedback in performance ratings (three large studies have found percentages of 55%, 58%, and 71%) are based on the person who gave the feedback rather than the person who received the feedback, a phenomenon known as the “idiosyncratic rater effect." These studies also found that only a small portion of performance ratings are based on the performance of the person being evaluated.

This goes against what many of us think of as common knowledge—we expect that when we receive feedback, that feedback is a reflection of us. Yet in reality, it is largely a reflection of the person giving the feedback.

For example, your boss saying that you need to speak slower in meetings may be true, or it may be that she personally prefers slow and methodical speakers. Similarly, your sister-in-law’s quip about your children getting too much screen time could be true, or it may be a reflection of her own personal preference that kids be technology-free until the age of five.

It is powerful to recognize that when other people say something judgmental, you don’t have to absorb it all. Those judgments are likely a manifestation of the other person’s experiences and not necessarily reality. We have to figure out other ways to filter out the noise and extract the helpful information. Here are two perspectives that may help you in doing so:

Consider the context

In one of my favorite episodes of the podcast This American Life, author Michael Schulman provides a great example of how adding context can take away the sting of feedback from others. During the interview, Michael admits that he couldn’t stop looking at reviews on Amazon of the book he had written. He obsessed over the negative reviews, thinking about them constantly to the point where he was having trouble sleeping at night.

This spiral continued until one day when he clicked on one of the names of someone who had left a particularly nasty review, he came across that person’s profile page and realized that he could see everything else that this person had reviewed. While they had given Michael’s book only two out of five stars and called it “disappointing,” they had given a perfect five-star rating to a cupcake stand that Michael thought was hideous.

With a little bit of relief, Michael explained that if this cupcake stand was what perfection looked like to this particular person, he could see more clearly why his book didn’t vibe with her. It turned out that gaining perspective into the negative commenters made the feedback less painful for Michael.

Putting feedback into context, as Michael did, can help. When you get feedback, ask yourself how much you value this person’s perspective. Just like you don't have to accept advice from everyone you meet, you similarly don't have to accept all of the feedback that you receive.

Focus on the 25%

However, we can’t ignore all feedback. It wouldn’t be helpful for most people to completely disregard feedback from a boss, even if we don’t like and respect this person. After all, most employees rely on their boss for resources and opportunities, so we have to consider their perspectives.

Furthermore, research has shown that people who need feedback the most, that is, the lowest performers, are also the most likely to avoid and discredit it. High performers, on the other hand, are those who demonstrate a desire to continue to learn and grow.

Although most people perceive negative feedback as less helpful and accurate than positive feedback, these findings show that it’s in our best interest to avoid ignoring critiques, especially when they come from our bosses and leaders. If we want to succeed, we have to find a way to learn from feedback, even when it’s harsh, and move forward.

Based on this research, I encourage what I call “the 25% rule for feedback.” The smartest person I know, my dad, once told me that even the harshest feedback contains within it a kernel of truth. The 25% rule for feedback encourages you to look for that kernel. Instead of accepting all feedback as absolute truth, look for the 25% that can help you move forward. Usually that 25% is something that resonates with you, something you have heard multiple times from multiple people, something that can help you build an effective strategy for success, or something you know needs to happen but that you have resisted personally addressing.

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For example, consider a scenario where your boss gives you feedback that you need to do better at keeping her up to date on your work progress. Although this feedback might be frustrating if you feel like you have been engaging in efforts to keep her up to date, “the 25% rule” is that your boss isn’t getting the information she needs. This is a quite different takeaway than what could otherwise be interpreted as feedback that you are a poor communicator or that you aren’t doing your work.

In summary, the next time you receive critical feedback, instead of internalizing it immediately and feeling attacked, take a deep breath. Ask yourself, “who is the source?” and "what is the 25% here?” If you are still struggling and can’t find 25%, shrink it down to 10%. The goal is to focus on that kernel of a lesson that you can take away from the critique to help you grow and learn the way top performers do.