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Alcoholism
Should You Stop Asking, "Do I Have a Drinking Problem?"
How to shift from shame to empowerment.
Posted January 13, 2024 Reviewed by Tyler Woods
Key points
- The line between normal and problematic drinking is blurry.
- Asking better questions leads to better results: Will my life be better with less alcohol?
- Compassionate curiosity offers a new way to a better relationship with alcohol.
"You have a drinking problem," my doctor announced.
I nodded politely, waiting for him to continue. "Please tell me something I don't already know," I prayed silently. That was me in 2015, in a moment of quiet desperation.
The Blurry Line: Normal vs. Problematic Drinking
Have you ever found yourself pondering, "Do I have a drinking problem?"
If you're like many regular drinkers, this question has likely crossed your mind. Maybe it was during a particularly rough hangover or after a night of throwing up by the curb of a sidewalk. A night of heavy drinking leaves you wondering, "How much is too much?"
The line between a "normal drinker" and a "problem drinker" is like one drawn in the sand—hard to grasp, almost invisible. The frequent searches for "alcoholism definition" on Google reflect our collective search for clarity. People are looking for a concrete answer, a definitive line.
But what if there is no definitive line between normal and problematic drinking? What if, even when we manage to find an answer, it won't provide us with the solution we wish to get?
A Personal Tale: Confronting Harsh Realities
In 2015, it took me over a year of inner debate before I finally brought myself into the doctor's office. After an anxious wait and what seemed to be a pile of paperwork, the diagnosis I received echoed what, deep down, I already knew.
However, the solution felt painfully inadequate: "Just drink less." It wasn't just about not knowing what to do; it was about not knowing how to do it. I needed a solution, a way out, which was why I overcame my embarrassment and fear, summoned a tremendous amount of courage, and finally put forward a question that I had been too afraid to ask.
Yet, all I got was a half-hour lecture on the dangers of my drinking habits, and I was sent home with a piece of "helpful" advice: "Drink less."
Was I broken? Or was I so weak that I lost control over a beverage that others seemed to enjoy without issue? The 2015 me was overwhelmed by fear, frustration, and a sense of helplessness.
The Importance of Quality Questions
Questions are the first steps towards solutions. However, when we ask the wrong question, we can only find wrong answers—ones that offer little solution yet tend to leave us stuck. Good quality questions, on the other hand, propel us forward and inspire action.
The question "Do I have a drinking problem?" often breeds feelings of shame and isolation. Instead of fostering understanding or inspiring positive change, it leaves us in a cycle of doubt and self-criticism. The question is mired in judgment. It carries an implicit fear of what the answer might mean.
How would others see me now? Do I have to give up alcohol entirely? Is there something wrong with me? The daunting fear of a "yes" left me spending years trying to convince myself and others that I didn't have a problem with alcohol.
Better Drinking Habits With Empowering Questions
Fast forward to today, into my fifth year as a therapist and a sober curiosity guide, I see how I had made a crucial mistake back then. One that most of my clients continue to make when they start to question their relationship with alcohol.
In my masterclass, Sober Curiosity 101, I help drinkers tap into the power of asking empowering questions. While a poor question leaves us stuck, a good question propels us forward. Instead of getting caught up on whether you have a drinking problem, ask this instead: "Will your life be better with less alcohol?"
This simple shift will move you away from stigmatizing labels and towards a more personal and introspective examination of your habits. It encourages you to consider the role alcohol plays in your life without the fear of being branded or judged. It's about envisioning a life where alcohol doesn't dictate your choices or define your identity.
Sober Curiosity: A Path to Positive Changes
Moving forward in your journey, I invite you to shift to empowering questions that foster a compassionate curiosity. The road to a healthier relationship with alcohol is better paved by understanding than labels.
