Making Sense of Adolescence and Young Adulthood

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As challenging as coping with significant life change can be, as I’ve written previously, change is really the only constant during this one precious life we have. Indeed, life itself is an ongoing progression of growth and change that takes people from one phase or stage of development to another—from infancy to older age. While some ages and stages of development may be idealized, romanticized, or preferred relative to others, each and every one has its wonders and its challenges.

One of the most highly regarded models of human development is that of Erik Erikson, a psychoanalyst and developmental psychologist. First published in his book Childhood and Society—and expanded and refined in later books, notably Identity and the Life Cycle—Erikson’s framework emphasizes the impact of family and social interactions on emotional development across eight stages that traverse the entire lifespan, from infancy to old age.

According to Erikson, growth occurs as we negotiate the succession of challenges presented to us throughout our lifespan. Our sense of self continuously evolves with new experiences and information we acquire through our interactions with others. A coherent and healthy sense of self and feelings of self-efficacy come about through the meeting of developmental needs and experiences of competence, while an incomplete and inferior sense of self, along with feelings of inadequacy, result from unmet developmental needs and the absence of success.

Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development

Many people view each of Erikson’s eight stages of psychosocial development as distinct and separate, but, in reality, these stages don’t begin neatly and end cleanly; they often overlap and blend into one another. “Successful” completion of each stage results in the acquisition of critical psychological strengths and resources, which are carried into subsequent stages. Although problems in moving through a stage spill over into later stages and reduce the ability to negotiate them successfully, it is possible to complete the work of earlier stages at a later time.

These stages are universal in the sense that everyone goes through them in the same order. Although there are specific age ranges associated with each stage, these are approximate—how long people spend in each stage and how old they are when they move from one stage to the next can be different for each person. This is due in part to the often-considerable difference between a person’s chronological age and how old or mature they are emotionally. Moreover, every stage of development has its significant challenges—for both children and their parents. No stage is necessarily easier or more difficult, though, for some parents, certain stages may seem easier and be preferable to others.

Every stage presents children and parents with new and different challenges. The conventional interpretation is that each culminates in a decisive stage-specific positive or negative outcome—for example, trust versus mistrust in the first stage—that sets the tone for the next stage. I think the binary nature of this perspective is too limiting, however. Rather than the stage of infancy (birth to 18 months) leading to either basic trust or general mistrust of the world, I see them as existing on a continuum in which the result for most is somewhere in between. Between the extremes of black and white at each stage are myriad shades of gray.

Stage 5: Adolescence (Ages 12 to 19)—Identity vs. Role Confusion

Adolescence is the stage that bridges childhood and adulthood. Teenagers embark on the transition to becoming adults, attempting to define who they are as individuals and how they fit in the world. Adolescence, especially in the world today, is a complicated period of life—a time of uncertainty and confusion related to rapid physical and emotional changes and shifting expectations: expectations teenagers have of themselves, expectations they have of others, and expectations others have of them.

Developing an identity involves actively figuring out the kind of person a teenager wants to be—this includes how they see themselves and how they want others to see them. They may check out different images, effectively trying them on like different clothes to see how they fit and look using two mirrors: the one on the wall and the direct and indirect feedback they receive from their peers, parents, and others. Adolescents explore and often experiment with a variety of different values, beliefs, roles, activities, and behaviors. Coming to terms with their sexuality and sexual orientation is a critical part of identity formation. Adolescents struggle to develop their own identities while navigating the tremendous pressure to fit in with others (friends, neighborhood, community, etc.). Such peer pressures can include using mind- and mood-altering substances, having sex, and participating in law-violating activities.

The biggest and most important developmental task faced by every adolescent is the transition from child to grown-up. Most teenagers want it both ways. On the one hand, they don’t want to be treated like a kid. They want more independence and privileges, including the ability to make more decisions for themselves, which comes with being an adult. On the other hand, adulthood comes with expectations and responsibilities they’re in no hurry to assume.

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The process of separation-individuation is a natural and normal part of growing up. It involves separating from the family of origin and childhood influences enough for adolescents to figure out who they are and further become their own person. In seeking greater independence, they increasingly pull away from their families and gravitate toward their peers, which frequently causes upset and conflict for teenagers and their parents. It involves a certain amount of exploration, experimentation, risk-taking, and limit-testing, as well as questioning, opposing, and sometimes saying (through both words and actions), “Screw you!” Sometimes part of this process involves using alcohol and other drugs and participating in other potentially addictive activities.

Ideally, separation-individuation is about renegotiating family relationships so that teenagers achieve more autonomy and responsibility while still maintaining a positive connection with family. In many families, however, people become so detached from each other that there is little to no positive connection. In others, family members are so closely connected to each other that separating from the family to become one’s own person is extremely difficult to do. As people move toward adulthood, the goals are to become independent without being isolated and connected without remaining dependent.

Success in this stage results in a coherent identity and sense of self. Some adolescents attempt to delay their progress toward adulthood and refuse or withdraw from responsibilities. Failure to establish a sense of identity leads to role confusion regarding who they are and uncertainty about their place in society.

Stage 6: Young/Emerging Adulthood (Ages 19 to 35)—Intimacy vs. Isolation

Over the last two decades adolescence has seemingly become prolonged, now lasting into the early to mid-twenties. Consequently (although this was not part of Erikson’s original formulation), the first part of this stage has, for many individuals, morphed into a continuation of the stage of adolescence, a development consistent with current scientific research indicating that the human brain doesn’t fully develop until about the age of twenty-five.[1]

Recent research has also confirmed that adolescent and adult brains work differently. Adults make much greater use of the prefrontal cortex—the mature decision-making part of the brain that responds to situations with rationality, sound judgment, and an awareness of long-term consequences. Adolescents process information and make decisions primarily through the amygdala—the part of the brain responsible for emotions, emotion-related memory, and survival reactions. In the brains of teenagers and emerging adults, the connections between the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex are still very much under construction.[2]

This means society allows young people who are technically legal adults to make adult decisions without fully mature brains. Kids can drive around the age of sixteen, vote and enlist in the military at eighteen, and legally consume alcohol and gamble at twenty-one. While the people who set policy at rental car companies may not be familiar with contemporary neuroscience, they apparently know what they’re doing: you cannot rent a car until the age of twenty-five.

During this stage of development, the creation of a stable identity and sense of self continues, while the search for committed companionship and love intensifies. “I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up” used to be the province of teenagers; now, not so much, as most young adults continue their quest to determine who they are and what their place in the world is well into their twenties and often into their thirties. Parents continue to have an important and evolving influence in the lives of their young adult children, who often take longer to move away from home than previous generations and are more likely to move back home at some point before relocating more permanently.

The focus in this stage is on clarifying directions related to relationships, love, and career. There may be multiple changes in residence, roommates, and romantic partners prior to transitioning toward more stability in the form of committing to long-term romantic partnerships or marriages, having children, and identifying a career path.

Failure in this stage culminates in the avoidance of intimacy and fear of relationships and commitment and can lead to lasting loneliness and isolation. Success means learning to share oneself authentically and intimately with others, leading to the establishment of long-term relationships outside the family of origin that results in a sense of satisfaction and commitment.

Copyright 2021 Dan Mager, MSW

Author of Some Assembly Required: A Balanced Approach to Recovery from Addiction and Chronic Pain and Roots and Wings: Mindful Parenting in Recovery