Wired for Sex Tech

In so many ways, humans are more similar than different. Most of us want to give and receive love, feel attractive, and enjoy a connection with a sex partner. However, despite our many similarities, there are several ways that heterosexual males and females differ sexually. That’s because at its most basic, males’ and females’ sexual instincts are ancient, and animalistic, in nature — cultivated over hundreds of thousands of years. And today, while sex tech is popular across all genders, advancing tech aims to gratify people’s erotic desires at this most primal level. Thus, as sex tech progresses, men and women may respond differently. Research demonstrates that these differences are already quite evident — for example, Gesselman et al. (2023) found that males were six times more likely to use camming sites than females, three times more likely to use teledildonics, four times more likely to watch VR porn, and three times more likely to sext with a chatbot. Here are four likely reasons for these gender differences.

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Males Show More Interest in Sex Tech

For the most part, sex tech isn’t about politically correct sex, demonstrations of sexual consent, or realistic bodies. Instead, sex tech gets its power from presenting the much more animalistic side of sex — a side that is far from the “vanilla” variety that some couples complain about in long-term relationships. Like males, females are avid fans of the more primal sexual fantasies such as alien sex and BDSM. However, rates of porn and other sex tech consumption consistently demonstrate that males consume significantly more porn than females. For example, Lim et al (2017) found that while 39% of college men watched porn daily, only 4% of women did so. Similarly, males express more interest and curiosity in advanced sex tech, such as sex with avatars and with robots (Brandon et al., 2022).

Females Express a Stronger Disgust Response

Another area of research differentiating male and female sexuality concerns the disgust response — an evolutionarily adaptive response to find certain things cringeworthy, and thus avoid them. Females’ disgust response is stronger than males, both generally and sexually (Crosby et al., 2019). It would make sense that females with stronger disgust responses are our ancestors, as they were the ones who successfully reproduced. Females who were less discriminating were more likely to ingest bacteria that could ultimately harm a growing fetus or a breastfeeding baby, and thus raise fewer offspring. Today, this translates into modern women finding more sexual stimuli unappealing — whether it be with regards to fetish activity, more common sex acts such as anal sex, or more futuristic activity such as interest in having sex with a sex doll (Desbuleux & Fuss 2023).

Males Find More Stimuli Sexually Exciting

Further evidence for gender differences lies in the Dual Control Model of Sexual Desire, developed by Kinsey researchers. This model posits that we all have stimuli that we find sexually exciting, as well as that which inhibits our sexual response. Excitatory stimuli can be things like a sexy conversation, watching porn, or exercising. In contrast, inhibitory stimuli could include an argument with your partner, overeating, or having relatives in the house. Research repeatedly demonstrates that males report more excitatory factors than females, and females report more inhibitory factors than males (Janssen & Bancroft, 2023). Overall, females are more particular about what they experience as sexually exciting than are males.

Females Place a Higher Value on Traits That Tech Can’t Gratify

A fourth research result that may support women responding less enthusiastically as males to advancing sex tech is that women tend to value certain traits in their sex partners (Schelle et al., 2023) that are less able to be replicated by sex tech. For example, dating sites consistently report that women tend to place higher value on traits such as a partner’s earning potential or social status. Since sex tech is more limited to its value as a sexual stimulus than an actual romantic partner, at least some of what women find appealing about their sexual stimuli is unlikely to be fulfilled by tech.

Males Report Higher Sex Drive

Finally, research consistently supports the finding that in long-term committed relationships, men report more sexual desire than women (click here to read my 2023 review chapter on this topic). This is manifested in many ways, including the fact that men masturbate more, fantasize about sex more, engage in more sexual fetishes, watch more porn, express more interest in having sex with a robot, and express more interest in a variety of sex acts and sex partners than females (Francenbach et al., 2022). Interestingly, there is not a single published study concluding that women have even an equivalent drive to males. We can expect men to find advancing sex tech more compelling than women if only as an alternative sexual outlet.

Of course, only time will tell how sex tech will ultimately be experienced and utilized by all genders. We can expect many people, regardless of gender, to find advancing sex tech as enhancing their lives and their intimate relationships. Nonetheless, our world is changing faster than at any point in human history. As a sex therapist, I work regularly with couples who have different perspectives on sex tech — such as the frequency and acceptability of porn use, sexting, or online avatar relationships. If advanced sex tech continues to be more compelling for men, viewing his enthusiasm through a traditionally female-centric lens could lead to pathologizing men’s preferences.