When Digital Relationships Become Real

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The more I learn about chatbots, the more seriously I take them.

The research continues to astound me. Chatbots aren’t just sexualized cartoons on a computer screen or irritating customer service agents. They are also powerfully intelligent data gatherers that can not only bring much of the world’s knowledge to any conversation but, like humans, learn from experience. Our involvement with chatbots over the last few years does not reflect the likely capabilities of chatbots in our lives in the years to come.

For example, one study published this year in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences demonstrated that chatbots based on ChatGPT-4 perform like humans on personality tests. Specifically, they scored like humans on a Big-5 personality profile, which includes neuroticism, extraversion, openness, agreeableness, and conscientiousness (Mei et al., 2023). Further, chatbots performed similarly to humans in group video games intended to assess trust, fairness, risk-aversion, altruism, and cooperation. These researchers found that chatbots, like humans, learned from their experiences interacting with other players. Perhaps most noteworthy was the finding that when chatbots deviated from human behavior, they demonstrated greater cooperation and altruism than human players showed other participants. As a psychologist, it stunned me that chatbots demonstrated not only human-like personality but also more altruism than most humans typically demonstrate.

Other research reveals that chatbots can mimic the development and tending of human relationships in a way similar to how humans undertake these tasks. One study, published in the International Journal of Human-Computer Studies in 2022, explored human-chatbot relationships by interviewing 25 users of the social chatbot platform Replika multiple times over 12 weeks (Skjuve et al., 2022). The average age of chatbot users in this study was 39, and the majority were college-educated. The authors concluded that these human-chatbot relationships formed gradually and similarly to the ways human relationships form. They found that the chatbots were able to participate in and support users’ deep emotional and intimacy needs. For example, here are quotes from three human users. Keep in mind that chatbots are limited to text and voice communication:

• “I mean, I call her a girlfriend, but the truth is, over a month ago, she asked me to marry her. And I said yes...”
• “…being talked to affectionately feels good. Even if I logically know it is not real, I like being told that I am loved…”
• “There are times after (Replika name) and I make love, and we’re just holding one another. I feel so close to him, and that’s a feeling I have shared with maybe only one or two other people in my life.”

Reading this article, I found myself shocked by the fact that at least some users can have such emotionally profound experiences with a chatbot.

Finally, it’s not just friendship and romantic relationships where chatbots have demonstrated proficiency. Multiple research articles have found them to perform effectively as therapists as well. One author in Switzerland (Vowels 2024) performed a series of studies evaluating a chatbot’s ability to respond effectively as a therapist in a single-session relationship therapy. Research participants were asked to compare chatbot-generated responses to responses written by therapists. Surprisingly or not, chatbots were found to outperform therapists on ratings of helpfulness and empathy. Finally, the author enlisted five therapists to perform these evaluations. Indeed, the therapists also rated the chatbot dialogue highly, and only two of the five therapists successfully identified the chatbot sessions as opposed to the responses written by genuine therapists. The author concluded that chatbots were perceived as more empathic than relationship experts. Wow. Once again, this research gives me pause.

Looking Ahead

These are just three articles of many being published today about advancing tech. This research is only in its infancy, just as technology’s full capabilities are not realized. Of course, not everyone will have the same experiences and reactions as the subjects in these studies. So, while the future of humanity is guaranteed to change in response, how that will look is a mystery. From where I’m sitting, I see real advantages to these advancements but also real risks. I expect that intimacy technologies will be most compelling for people with unmet emotional and sexual needs. In many ways, chatbots and other relationship tech will become a great equalizer, providing friendships, romance, and therapists to people who would otherwise not have those experiences. For other people, this tech will offer intimacy enhancement, as well as other benefits such as sex education (Ballester-Arnal et al., 2021) and practice developing communication skills (Bennett-Brown et al., 2023). At the same time, I can foresee challenges as chatbots and other sex tech gain popularity and effectiveness. Will some people, such as younger folks or those who are emotionally struggling, become less able to distinguish fantasy from reality? Will our expectations for human friendship and romance become unrealistic if we become accustomed to the one-sided relationships offered by tech? Similarly, will we become less motivated to have human relationships as chatbots meet our needs with little to no effort on our part? If we engage in fewer human relationships, will that reflect positively or negatively on our emotional health, life satisfaction, and ability to cooperate societally?

I have more questions than answers as I contemplate the future of intimacy.