Why Labeling Women "Attention-Seeking" Is So Harmful

“She’s just doing it for attention.”

If you’re a girl or woman who has utilized cutting or other self-harm behaviors to cope with stress, or as a way of dealing with suicidal thoughts, you have likely heard this before from someone, including parents, partners, or even healthcare professionals.¹

The descriptor attention-seeking is inherently negative in connotation and is often ascribed to women struggling with borderline personality disorder, or BPD, a complex and difficult disorder to live with and to treat (and one that is rarer than most people think, including clinicians). In fact, non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI) is only one of a list of diagnostic criteria for BPD, a list that also includes issues with identity, relationships, and fears of abandonment.² So, what’s the connection between NSSI and being labeled as attention-seeking, and what effect can this have on the mental health of girls and women?

NSSI is defined as the deliberate destruction of one's own bodily tissue without lethal intent and for reasons that are not socially accepted, such as via cutting, burning, or hitting oneself.³ People who engage in NSSI are often looking for an outlet for their pain, and are typically struggling to access supportive people or resources that might help. When they do ask for help with these behaviors, they are often labeled as attention-seeking or given the negative and reductive label of “borderline” by healthcare professionals in treatment team meetings.

Though there may be some clinical utility to the term attention-seeking—as in, we need to understand that people demonstrating these behaviors are seeking something from the people around them, it too often gets used in a dismissive way, even by trained practitioners. We often say this about women when they are expressing big emotions—ones we don’t want to deal with.

Using the label attention-seeking in a clinical context, though common, is a repackaging of the idea of women as “hysterical,” a term used to categorize women with intense emotional reactions or crises during the 19th century, women who were often victims of trauma, violence, or the daily oppression of existence during a time period when women had no rights to their own decision making.⁴

We are ignoring the stories of girls and women when we dismiss how they are expressing their pain. In all my years in practice, from inpatient hospital settings to outpatient clinics, I have very rarely seen men described as attention-seeking, despite having exhibited some of the same behaviors as many women, including cutting, burning, or attempted overdoses. We should ask ourselves why this is and implore our healthcare providers and those who care about the well-being of girls and women to do better.

If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. For help 24/7 dial 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, or reach out to the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741. To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.

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