What Psychology Says About Rebound Relationships

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A "rebound" relationship is a fling or interim relationship used as a buffer to "get over" a recently ended long-term romantic relationship. While rebounds are a common socially recognized phenomenon, staunch debates exist on whether they are a healthy choice or a maladaptive coping strategy.

Existing research suggests that men are more likely to engage in a rebound and to find momentary relief in a superficial "situationship," especially if they are lacking in social support or are experiencing high levels of emotional attachment to their ex.

Similarly, men who display higher patterns associated with rebound relationships are also reported to display more behaviors associated with narcissistic or self-centered "love," where relationships are used to "win" or conquer as many partners as possible to satisfy their ego needs.³

Attachment Insecurities

Unhealed attachment insecurities are usually at the forefront of rebound relationships for many reasons, including fears of abandonment or rejection, unmet basic needs, and a shaky sense of self-identity, which is often dependent on being in a romantic relationship. For example, high levels of attachment anxiety (i.e., anxious attachment) are correlated with rumination, recurrent yearning for the ex, and an increased risk of reaching out to them post-breakup.¹ Ruminative thinking or trying to approach their ex may increase their fears of rejection or increase the probability of becoming conditioned to a trauma bond, thus making a rebound relationship look more appealing, at least for the moment.

Covert Narcissism

While both overt and covert narcissists may engage in rebound relationships, their motivations for choosing a rebound often differ. While overt narcissists may engage in a rebound more short-term to restabilize their ego or as a way of devaluing their ex, a covert narcissist often chooses a rebound relationship because of their high levels of vulnerability and fears of being alone.

Similarly, covert narcissists often struggle with social inadequacies, are more socially "awkward," and can come across as needy. They usually display different defense mechanisms than overt narcissists, including projection, autistic fantasies, reaction formation, undoing, and passive aggression, which may be more highly correlated with their motivations in and between relationships.²

Revenge on an Ex

Those who may be higher in narcissism may try to seek revenge on their ex by engaging in a rebound relationship. For example, it is common for the person who rebounded to try to make their ex jealous by choosing a rebound partner that resonates with that person's insecurities. It is not uncommon to hear that a rebound partner is younger, more naïve, or more easily manipulated in an attempt to make their ex jealous.

So Are Rebounds a Bad Thing?

There will be people on both sides of the debate on whether a rebound relationship is a healthy choice. While proponents suggest that a rebound fling can help buffer the loss of a long-term romantic partner in the short term, proponents also caution that a rebound should not be used to avoid the healing process. Unfortunately, many who resort to a rebound fling end up avoiding their growth by continuing to jump from one relationship to another or settling on a rebound partner to prevent being alone.

On the flip side, opponents of rebound relationships dispute any healthy or adaptive use of a rebound fling. They suggest a rebound relationship is little more than a toxic coping strategy that is socially conditioned (and sometimes learned within a person's family of origin). Other reasons to think twice about engaging in a rebound relationship include using the other person as ego management, or in trying to make themselves feel better through the relationship, to increase social status or acceptance, to avoid accountability for their part in a prior relationship ending, or in choosing the rebound as a way of maintaining emotional regression or avoidance of growth.

Ultimately, whether or not a rebound relationship is a healthy choice or a maladaptive coping strategy boils down to the person being honest with themselves and their motivations in turning to that relationship.