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Key points
- Overthinking is a general term for rumination, or obsessive thoughts about a person or situation.
- Many with histories of abuse or trauma have learned to over-apologize as part of survival and self-protection.
- Oversharing may be used to “fast-track” a relationship and to establish false intimacy between two people.
Many people may not realize how unresolved trauma can influence the quality of their life and their relationships. They may downplay the significance of their trauma or may live “distracted” where they have become disconnected from their feelings and emotions. Unresolved trauma runs the risk of damaging a person’s relationships and can impact their ability to choose emotionally healthy people in their lives.
While all traumatic situations can affect a person uniquely, when a person does not resolve their trauma, it can continue to negatively impact their life, their self-esteem, and their choices in relationships.
Here are four common signs of unresolved trauma.
Overthinking
If you have experienced significant or chronic trauma, one of the most common patterns that may be affecting your life is overthinking. Overthinking is a general term for rumination, or obsessive thoughts about a person or situation that may be exacerbating any existing trauma and may be interfering with the quality of your life.
Two common patterns of rumination are obsessing about the past and obsessing about the future. Chronic ruminating about the past can lead to depressive symptoms or make existing depression worse, whereas ruminating about the future can cause you to feel anxious or make an existing diagnosis of anxiety worse.
If you notice you tend to ruminate about situations that have caused you trauma, you should learn to identify what traits or patterns about the person or situation are traumatic for you, as well as identify your experienced emotions. It is also important to learn adaptive coping skills that help you remain more grounded and focused on the present. Additionally, you should consider learning techniques for challenging automatic negative thoughts while practicing self-compassion.
Over-apologizing
Many with histories of abuse and trauma have learned to over-apologize as part of survival and self-protection. Those with histories of childhood trauma may have learned to apologize for things that were not their fault as a way of keeping the peace to prevent more conflict. Some with histories of over-apologizing can also feel low self-worth or high insecurity, and over-apologizing may also walk hand-in-hand with people-pleasing tendencies.
When learning to stop a pattern of over-apologizing, you should become aware of people or situations that make you feel vulnerable to this pattern. You should also learn to feel comfortable standing up for yourself, to recognize that you are allowed to express your needs and that you should not feel obligated to apologize for holding certain beliefs or feelings.
Oversharing
Oversharing is a common pattern seen in people who have experienced significant trauma. For some, oversharing may be a way to “fast-track” a new relationship and establish a sense of false intimacy between two people. However, when a relationship is built on oversharing trauma, it gets confused as an authentic connection, which may increase your risk of remaining “stuck” in a trauma-bonded relationship. Others may overshare for self-protection, to keep people at arm’s length, or to push relationships away that feel too threatening.
If you notice you tend to overshare, you should become more mindful of the people you share with, the type of relationship you have with those people, how long you have known them, and whether or not you should redirect the conversation to something less personal.
Overwhelm
If you feel intense emotions, stress, or an inability to self-calm, you may be feeling overwhelmed by unprocessed trauma. When you feel constantly overwhelmed, it limits your ability to cope with mundane day-to-day events. It can additionally leave you feeling exhausted or with a reduced ability to multitask. For some, chronic feelings of overwhelm can trigger emotional dysregulation, sudden emotional outbursts, or emotionally shutting down.
If you have a history of trauma, it is important to reach out to a psychologist who specializes in trauma healing, and who can help you learn necessary skills in prioritizing your self-care.
Overcoming Trauma Responses
Please know that you are not alone. Healing from trauma (including these kinds of common trauma responses) often requires working with a professional who can assist you in processing your emotions and past experiences so they do not continue affecting you in the present. It is also important to practice self-compassion. While there is no "right" way to heal trauma, remember to be kind to yourself throughout your personal journey. This often includes journaling, getting quality sleep, readjusting your schedule when needed, and surrounding yourself with those who love you and are supportive of you in your healing.
To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
