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Narcissism
7 Strategies for Coping With a Narcissistic Boss
Navigate the chaos of a narcissistic employer with these tips.
Posted February 27, 2024 Reviewed by Ray Parker
Key points
- Be aware of common narcissistic traits like manipulation, belittling, and an inability to handle criticism.
- Keep documentation of interactions with a difficult boss.
- Seek support from family, friends, and a mental health professional to process and validate your experiences.
Having a narcissistic boss can be a challenging and emotionally draining experience. Narcissistic people often lack empathy, need constant admiration, and have an inflated sense of self-importance.
Coping with such a personality in a professional setting requires a combination of self-awareness, resilience, and strategic communication. When someone is in a position of power over you and shows unacceptable behaviors, it can cause a great deal of stress and even trauma. Let's explore practical strategies for navigating the complexities of working with a narcissistic boss.
1. Understand Narcissistic Traits
The first step in coping with a narcissistic boss is to recognize and understand the traits associated with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Note that having traits of narcissism doesn't necessarily mean that a person meets the diagnostic criteria for NPD. Think of narcissistic behavior on a continuum.
Even having a boss with some narcissistic traits can make your work day intolerable. Narcissists often exhibit manipulative behavior, a tendency to belittle others, and an inability to handle criticism. By being aware of these characteristics, you can better prepare yourself emotionally and psychologically for interactions with your boss.
Educate yourself as much as possible about narcissism, including talking with a mental health professional about your experiences at work.
2. Set Clear Boundaries
Establishing clear and firm boundaries is crucial when dealing with a narcissistic boss. Narcissists may try to exploit or manipulate those around them for personal gain, so it's vital to define and communicate your limits. Be assertive about your workload, responsibilities, and personal space.
Setting boundaries helps maintain a sense of control and protects your well-being. If you were given a description of your job responsibilities, review it to clarify expectations. Look up what constitutes harassment in the workplace. In the U.S., you can find this information at the Equal Employee Opportunity Commission.
3. Focus on Your Well-Being
Working with a narcissistic boss can take a toll on your mental and emotional health. It's essential to prioritize self-care to withstand the challenges. Regular exercise, a healthy diet, and adequate sleep contribute to emotional resilience.
If you are having insomnia, consider talking to your healthcare provider about possibly needing medication to help you get to sleep. Additionally, consider engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation outside of work, allowing you to create a balance between your professional and personal life. Ultimately, consider whether your workplace is directly causing you health struggles. It may be time to look for employment elsewhere.
4. Do Not Engage
When a narcissistic boss confronts you, redirect the focus on issues that directly impact your work or well-being. Refuse to engage in unnecessary confrontations. You have the right to walk away when anyone is mistreating you. Narcissistic bosses will "bait" employees into a conflict. They will then state that you are "irrational," "sensitive," "unstable," or "unreasonable." Document any interactions that feel emotionally or physically unsafe.
5. Document Interactions
Keep a record of your interactions with a narcissistic boss. Document instances of praise, criticism, and any inappropriate behavior. Write down the date, time, direct quotes, and who was present. Keep this documentation on a personal device rather than a workplace device.
If you are fired, quit, or laid off, your employer will most likely confiscate any employer-owned devices immediately. In addition, your workplace device usage may be monitored. Having a written record may prove helpful if you ever need to escalate the issue, talk to an attorney, or seek assistance from human resources. This documentation can also help you maintain perspective and validate your experiences.
6. Seek Support
Dealing with a narcissistic boss can be isolating, but you're not alone. Seek support from trusted colleagues, friends, or family members who can provide a listening ear and offer guidance. Be cautious about sharing your experiences with coworkers, as they may act as "flying monkeys" or messengers for your boss.
Seek the assistance of a mentor not affiliated with your workplace, and see a mental health professional. Working for a narcissistic boss can not only be stressful but also can be traumatizing. It is essential to speak with someone who can validate your experiences.
7. Manage Expectations
Narcissistic bosses often have unrealistic expectations, and trying to meet those expectations can be a constant source of stress. If you meet an expectation, another impossible expectation takes its place. It never ends.
Communicate your capabilities, manage expectations, and set realistic goals. Get instructions in writing rather than just verbally. Consider that your boss' behavior may stay the same, even if management gets involved. Be kind to yourself; you are human and cannot be reasonably expected to meet your boss' every demand. It is not healthy to attempt to reach impossible expectations.
Coping with a narcissistic boss requires a combination of self-awareness, resilience, and strategic communication. By understanding narcissistic traits, setting clear boundaries, prioritizing well-being, choosing battles wisely, documenting interactions, seeking support, developing effective communication skills, and managing expectations, employees can navigate the complexities of working with such individuals while preserving their mental and emotional health.
Remember, it's crucial to balance maintaining professionalism and protecting your well-being when faced with the challenges of a narcissistic boss.
To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
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