Verified by 
Key points
- Bipolar disorder affects approximately 2.3 million people in the U.S. today and carries a high rate of severe impairment.
- Many with bipolar disorder engage in self-destructive behavior such as substance abuse, and there is very little impulse control.
- Some with bipolar disorder may get help only through a "5150," the police term for admitting someone to a hospital.
- Coping skills for depression include a spiritual path, music therapy, and dialectical behavior therapy.
Bipolar disorder can be a devastating condition. The average age of onset is around 25, and it affects approximately 2.3 million people in the U.S. today. The disorder carries a high rate of severe impairment. I know that viscerally – I’ve spent a lifetime beating it back. I think I’m winning.
Shortly after graduating from UCLA, I started hearing voices. They would keep me up at night, and I didn’t sleep for nights, or days, on end. I engaged in impulsive behavior and spent or gave away all my money – which wasn’t much.
During this time, my family and I didn’t know what was going on, and we couldn’t be around each other. I ended up living on the streets.
My family didn’t know where I was.
I was in the Tenderloin section of San Francisco, CA. I encountered many dangerous situations and am lucky to be alive. I didn’t escape a gang rape. In my state of mind, I concentrated on the anger I felt at them for having taken my boots. I was livid, and this kept me from being as traumatized as I might have been.
I got picked up by the police for walking barefoot on the freeway. The painted lines were softer on my soles. They brought me to a psych ward on a “5150” – the police term for admitting someone to the hospital.
I went in and out of hospitals and was misdiagnosed as schizophrenic and given the wrong drugs.
Several years later, I was diagnosed as manic-depressive (that’s what they called it back then.) I was given lithium and it stabilized me for many years. It got rid of the manic episodes, but I was still in a depressive state.
Once, when I was in a manic episode, I ended up in Marin, walking around San Rafael. I happened upon Dominican University of CA and thought, This is where I’m going to get my Teaching Credential. I had always wanted to be a teacher, and majored in Economics just to see if I could do it. I should have majored in English. I love literature. Even in a manic episode, I dreamed of a better future where I would be teaching.
I had received very good grades at UCLA and ended up getting a full scholarship to Dominican University of CA, where I got my Teaching Credential.
I taught high school for the next fifteen years, except for a few years when I worked at Intel. I taught English in Hawaii; English, Psychology and Drama in Moraga, CA; and English and Computer Skills in Menlo Park, CA.
I ran a mentor program, which recruited and retained 50 adult mentors, one for each junior in the program. It was called Youth Outreach Media Mentor Program (YOMMP.) Youth Outreach Media Mentor Program showed students how to write, storyboard, direct, edit, shoot, and produce shorts, documentaries, and feature films. With mentors' help, students chose a cause they were passionate about, and after the production wrapped, they created action and activism plans to further their cause.
Throughout, my medication quelled the mania, but it didn’t do anything to help the depression. And the depression was interminable. Manic episodes last for a few months; depressive episodes last for a few months to a few years. I did stay sober though.
When I am stable, I work The Twelve Steps, and I don’t drink. The Twelve Steps is a spiritual program, where you turn your will and your life over to the care of God as you understand Him. There are many exercises such as making a list of everyone you have harmed and making amends to them all. Prayer and meditation are also very important. Prayers of thanksgiving keep me happy; prayers of supplication keep me hopeful. Meditation quiets my mind and keeps me calm and non-reactive amidst day-to-day challenges.
When I was manic, the first thing I wanted to do was drink. And I did. I had no impulse control. Once, in a manic episode, I drank after seventeen years of sobriety. Another time, when I was manic, I drank after another ten years of sobriety.
I would drink throughout my manic episodes, lasting for several months. Then when I came down, I got sober. And started counting the days all over again. Besides being in a depression, I was in a guilty depression. Instead of 28 years of sobriety, I have one.
I have found three coping skills to help with my depression. The first one is a spiritual path. I started using The Twelve Steps for my depression as well. I love the teachings of Abraham as interpreted by Esther Hicks. They talk about having an Inner Being who is directly connected to Source. They teach that the basis of life is freedom, and the purpose is joy, and that your thoughts create your reality. I am very careful about what I think. The teachings hold that like attracts like, whether it be thoughts, or things, or people. They give me hope.
The second coping mechanism is music therapy. Music always makes me feel better, and I enjoy making playlists and listening, even when I am depressed. Though it sometimes takes some doing to find the right music when I am depressed, it definitely lifts my mood. It is difficult to listen to certain music connected to happy memories, so I stay away from that. But there is plenty of music that is just great music – like Pink Floyd or Led Zeppelin – and it always makes me feel better. Those are just two of my favorite bands. I have a list of 2,100 favorite songs that make me feel good.
The third coping skill is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT,) developed by Marsha Linehan. There are so many helpful skills in DBT including the acronym ACCEPTS: When you are feeling depressed, shift your mind away from it through Activities; with Contributing; with Comparisons (compare yourself to those less fortunate;) with Opposite Emotions; with Pushing Away; with other Thoughts; and with other Sensations.
Since 2012, I have been working at Apple in direct sales. The camaraderie keeps me out of depression, as well as the fact that I can work 10am-7pm shifts. Many people with mood disorders have strange circadian rhythms, and I am one of them. I can’t wake up early to save my life. And I can’t go to bed before midnight. I do pretty well – I am always number one or number two in sales. Customers appreciate dealing with someone older who takes her time.
I had a manic episode when working for Apple. We had a week of training that required me to get up very early, and I couldn’t go to sleep early enough. I became sleep deprived -- very dangerous for someone with bipolar disorder. I became manic. I was able to take a paid leave and go to the hospital to get stable before returning to work.
The manic episodes, however, are always followed by depression. Now that I have my coping mechanisms for depression, the depression only lasted a few months. When I am neither manic nor depressed, which is most of the time, I am content. I am stable and satisfied with life. Today, I have the love and support of my family and friends. Without that, I would be a statistic, another suicide in a long line of suicides by those suffering from bipolar disorder.
