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Relationships
7 Signs That a Relationship Has a Strong Foundation
4. You can bicker and laugh on the same days.
Posted November 20, 2023 Reviewed by Monica Vilhauer
Relationships, especially long-term ones, can go through rocky patches. When you experience this, you might worry about whether your relationship has a positive future. Here are seven positive signs that may help reassure you that your relationship fundamentally has a strong foundation.
1. You care about each other and are helpful, even when you're angry
Example scenario: Despite a recent argument, you notice your partner has run out of their favorite breakfast item for tomorrow. As you pass by the store selling it, you pick it up, demonstrating care despite the disagreement.
2. You have individual adventures, then tell each other about them
In human evolution, the romantic attachment system didn't emerge independently. Rather, it evolved upon the foundation of the parent-child attachment system.
In healthy parent-child attachment, the individuals separate from each other, explore the world as individuals, happily reunite, and fill each other in on what they missed.
The same pattern should occur in healthy adult couple relationships. You should explore your individual interests, then want to tell each other about it.
Example scenario: You went mountain biking with friends. When you return home, you tell your partner how it went, and they're interested to listen.
3. You've been through power shifts before, and not broken up
In relationships, there is often one person who is more invested in or dependent on the relationship. The reasons for this power imbalance could be emotional or practical. Throughout the course of the relationship, these power dynamics are likely to shift and flux, with the people switching roles.
Example scenario: One partner is working as a mechanic and financially and emotionally supporting the other partner through medical residency. Once the doctor finishes residency, the power balance may shift.
Having survived these types of power shifts before without breaking up is a sign you'll be able to again in the future.
4. You bicker and laugh with each other on the same days
Bickering is a type of arguing that doesn't involve expressing contempt for each other, such as calling the other person crazy, or deliberately stirring negative emotions in the other person, such as trying to make them feel shame or anxiety.
A relationship that includes more bickering isn't necessarily worse than one that includes less bickering. However, you need to balance out those negative interactions with positive interactions. Healthy relationships have at least five positive shared emotions for every one emotionally negative interaction. Humor is a way to recover from an argument and restore this balance.
5. Each person individually is happy and growing
People begin to resent their relationship when it's interfering with their individual growth. If both individuals are expanding their personal strengths and interests, resentment is less likely. When each individual is growing independently, It's also less likely that either partner might become depressed.
6. You value each other's roles in the relationship
Relationships aren't 50/50 in the sense that each person cooks precisely 50% of the time, does 50% of the vacuuming, organizes exactly 50% of your shared activities etc. Rather, people fall into roles within the relationship.
A positive sign is if you value the roles your partner performs. You'd miss them enacting those roles if they weren't around. And, you communicate that you value their roles.
7. You see your partner as a competent adult
Relationships rely on trust. A foundation of trust is that you're, individually, competent adults, capable of navigating the world successfully. Seeing your partner this way shows an absence of contempt, which is very toxic in relationships. It also suggests they're the type of person you'd want to take on shared challenges with, like buying a home or raising children.
Which of these relationship strengths have you been overlooking? What have you taken for granted but is a major strength of your partnership?
None of these signs are a guarantee your relationship will be permanent or return to a happy place after a rocky one, but recognizing these signs can help you see the strengths of your relationship.
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