Navigating Emotions and Building Resilience With Children

Emotions are powerful motivators that drive human behavior, but how much is too much? It's crucial to strike a balance between acknowledging them and not letting them take the wheel of our lives. Recently, I read an insightful article in the Wall Street Journal on the potential harm of excessively focusing on emotions, especially in young minds still learning to navigate the complexities of their feelings.

Yulia Chentsova Dutton, the head of the Culture and Emotions Lab at Georgetown University, believes that emotions are highly reactive to how much attention we place on them. This revelation made me reflect on the unintentional but detrimental impact that well-meaning parents, teachers, and therapists might have when constantly emphasizing emotions. So, why do we focus on emotions?

While emotions offer valuable insights into our inner selves, they aren't always rooted in reality. As a wise friend once said, "Feelings are not facts." They serve as clues rather than concrete truths. When emotions become the focal point of our existence, it can lead to unhealthy patterns akin to handing over the car keys to a toddler during rush hour.

So, what's the remedy? Here are four actionable tips:

1. Acknowledge and Release

Notice your feelings without dwelling on them excessively. Consider jotting them down in a sentence to gain clarity. Tools like daily mood logs in cognitive coaching can aid in distinguishing between fact and fiction. Linked to acceptance and commitment therapy, we often refer to this method as notice, name, and neutralize. Notice and acknowledge the thought, name what it is, and then neutralize it by writing it down and releasing it.

2. Maintain Perspective

Keep the bigger picture in mind by focusing on your values and priorities. The more you reinforce what truly matters to you, the less susceptible you'll be to negative emotions derailing your path. Research (Hallford et al., 2020) has shown that future thinking of positive goals improves mood as it shifts perspective towards anticipatory pleasure.

3. Park Negative Emotions

Like passing clouds, emotions come and go. Acknowledge their presence, but if they interfere with important tasks, park them for later. Tell yourself, "I'll address this emotion when I have the time and space to do so," and revisit it with tools like the daily mood log. Investigating intrusive thoughts in runners, research shows that reviewing negative thinking acts like an operational debrief and enables learning to occur, often increasing motivation and resilience.

4. Cultivate Gratitude

Regularly practicing gratitude serves as a powerful tool to shift your focus from negativity to positivity. Academics suggest that whenever a negative emotion arises, deliberately redirect your thoughts to something you're grateful for. Whether it's the warmth of sunlight streaming through the window or the genuine smile of a loved one, embracing gratitude has the transformative power to shift your mindset. By celebrating the small things in life, you pave the way for significant positive changes.

Remember, emotions are transient, like passing thoughts and images, while behaviors serve as sturdy anchors in our lives. Despite waking up feeling low, persevering through tasks demonstrates resilience and self-mastery. By teaching ourselves and our children that emotions don't define us but rather how we manage them, we empower them to navigate life's challenges with grace and resilience.