The Questions Predators Are Asking Your Teenagers Online

One of the things we worry about most in the internet age is our precious children meeting the wrong kind of “friends” online. We have some control (we hope) over who they socialize with at school and in our neighborhoods, but what about in the wild world of virtual space? For parents who monitor conversations their children are having online, often as a condition of being able to use the internet at home, there are questions predators ask that can serve as bright red flags.

Source: Image by Anastasia Gepp from Pixabay

Online Grooming

Grooming is described generally as a method of forming relationships with underage victims with a goal of sexual abuse. According to research, the grooming process works differently online.

Pamela J. Black et al., in a piece entitled “A Linguistic Analysis of Grooming Strategies of Online Child Sex Offenders,” (2015)[i] examined exactly that issue and discovered some important differences between grooming strategies online versus in person.

Investigating the online grooming process, they analyzed transcripts of 44 convicted online offenders, examining the types of language used in different stages of interaction between perpetrators and victims. The transcripts came from the Perverted Justice (www.perverted-justice.com) website. They explain that the Perverted Justice Foundation (PJF) is a non-profit organization whose mission involves both catching and exposing online sexual offenders. They train subjects to act as decoys, posing as adolescents in online chat rooms to attract and ultimately catch sexual offenders. Black et al. explain that these decoys wait for offenders to initiate conversation, and then play along if the conversation becomes sexually explicit.

For purposes of the current study, they note that the 44 offenders included are men aged 25 to 54 years who thought they were talking online with a young person between 12–15 years old. Breaking it down by gender, 38 offenders thought they were talking with girls, and 6 targeted boys.

Black et al. found that although some of the same strategies are used by perpetrators in the grooming process both on and offline, the timing and order of relational stages are different.

Digital Priorities Are Different

Black et al. noted the elements of a frequently cited model of grooming that proposed a process of five stages, including “(1) friendship forming, (2) relationship forming, (3) risk assessment, (4) exclusivity, and (5) sexual stages.” The first two stages consist of the types of behaviors designed to bond with and gain the trust of the target. But Black et al. explain that it is in the risk assessment stage where the perpetrator begins to ask about the victim’s routine, location, and about his or her parents—and their schedule. This is geared to avoiding detection. In the final stage, the offender will discuss strategizing a live meeting.

Black et al. found that when grooming occurred online, the stages were different than in person. Most notably, the risk assessment stage appeared to be a priority. Instead of establishing a relationship first, as occurs offline, language referring to assessing risk was found in initial stages of conversation. Words such as nervous, home, worry, mother and father were used more within the first two segments of the transcripts. Inquiries during this initial stage included questions about whether victims were alone and what hours their parents worked, in addition to exploring the victim’s internet savvy. Perpetrators also asked if victims were actually police decoys, and somewhat surprisingly, accepted a single negative response as assurance.

In addition, Black et al. found that because, unfortunately, internet offenders have limitless access to potential victims, they may cut to the chase sooner than they would offline, bringing up the subject of sexual activity—sometimes using very explicit language. They note that perpetrators also ask about victim location and living arrangements almost immediately. They also ask questions apparently designed to solicit information that would reveal potential ease of offending, such as whether the victim lives close to a mall or has “nosy neighbors.”

Perception Is Power

Knowledge of the types of questions internet offenders ask is key to detecting their presence in the lives of young people sooner rather than later. In combination with the ongoing efforts of law enforcement’s online patrol, we continue to collaborate to protect our families and our communities.