How Couples Can Stay in Their Honeymoon Phase

Source: Image by olcay ertem from Pixabay

Newlyweds glow and gush about their spouses, excited to share photos of their honeymoon and wedding to anyone who will look. They change their social media profile page photo to celebrate coupledom and fill their pages with exciting updates from their new journey of matrimony. But for how long? Good news: The joy and delight of marriage does not have to end after the honeymoon...or ever. Research explains.

Romance, Love, and Marriage

Bianca P. Acevedo et al. (2020) studied the neurobiology of romantic love in a piece aptly entitled “After the honeymoon.”[i] The research team begins by noting that within Western culture, romantic love commonly serves as a basis for marriage. Yet, although romantic love is linked with satisfaction, stability, and well-being, many couples experience the reality of declining feelings of romantic love over time. Acevedo et al. note that with newlyweds in particular, changes in feelings of love predict outcomes of marriage.

Acevedo et al. describe a couple’s newlywed years as a critical time that predicts long-term marital satisfaction. They acknowledge what researchers have described as “honeymoon effects,” where initially happy marriages experience sharp declines in love, affection, and positive affect over time. Explanations include cognitively and perceptually focused “disillusionment” models as well as affectively focused models, which focus on increased amounts of negative emotions, stress, and conflict. Other models suggest that habituation, decreased amounts of intimacy, and diminishing positive emotions result from honeymoon effects.

Fortunately, there is evidence to the contrary, showing that many marriages withstand the test of time. Acevedo et al. note that in one sample of 1,998 adults, approximately 40 percent reported high levels of marital happiness over the course of 20 years, with the happily married group also being the most resilient, with the smallest decreases in life happiness over time. Acevedo et al. also note that population studies demonstrate that about 30-40 percent of individuals in the United States married for ten years or more reported high levels of romantic love for their spouse. Regarding how spouses see each other, they note that another study demonstrated that couples who idealized each other within the early stages of their relationships were less likely to experience sharp declines in partner-love measured up to 13 years later.

The Neurobiology of Romantic Love

Seeking to learn more about how this works, Acevedo et al. examined the neural and genetic correlates of romantic love in 19 first-time newlyweds. They used several methods of measuring this information, including scanning with functional MRI, self-report, and other measures, at the time of the wedding as well as one year afterward. Results showed that at both time points measured, maintenance of romantic love was linked with activation of dopamine-rich substantia nigra in response to facial images of the partner. They conclude that romantic love maintenance is part of a mammalian “strategy for reproduction and long-term attachment that is influenced by basic reward circuitry, complex cognitive processes, and genetic factors.”

The next question is, how does it work?

How to Fan the Flames

As a starting point, keeping romantic love alive after the honeymoon involves remembering the significance of marriage to begin with. Acevedo et al. describe marriage as a pivotal life event that begins the process of establishing a family unit, with implications for reproduction and co-parenting, as well as setting the stage for relational well-being and long-term companionship. In addition, couples can capitalize on their neurobiological findings, which highlight the process through which the brain’s reward system mediates behavior critical for the maintenance of romantic love over time. Acevedo et al. explain that this includes positive affect, proximity-seeking, continued desire, and engagement in relationship-promoting behaviors which include intentionally doing things that make one’s partner happy.

For example, regardless of what type of day one partner has had, making the evening about focusing on the needs of a spouse can create benefits both long- and short-term as an investment in the relationship as a whole, as well as setting a positive mood for the evening for both partners to continue to create happy memories. Expanding this partner orientation to encompass other aspects of the marital relationship is an investment that will yield positive returns.

So, regardless of age-related changes over time, there is apparently far more to romantic love than the physical. Couples who intentionally and consistently engage in positive, proactive, partner-oriented behavior have a much better chance of enjoying a long, happy marriage—long after the honeymoon.

Facebook image: PeopleImages.com - Yuri A/Shutterstock