Major Predictors of Long-Term Involuntary Singlehood

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Some singles are delighted to be uncommitted,[i] but others would very much like to be in a relationship. Will it ever happen? Research reveals some of the predictors.

Single by Circumstance, Not by Choice

Menelaos Apostolou and Elli Michaelidou (2024) investigated why some people have trouble attracting romantic partners.[ii] Using a sample of 1432 participants, they examined the impact of 17 predictors of what they term involuntary singlehood. Breaking down the results by gender, they found some common ground.

For women, a higher probability of being involuntarily single was associated with factors including poor flirting ability, elevated choosiness, and a low level of agreeableness. A high level of choosiness was also associated with having been single for a greater number of years.

For the men, Apostolou and Michaelidou found that poor flirting capacity was also a factor, as well as a higher level of neuroticism, and two self-reflection categories: lower self-esteem and lower self-perceived mate value. Additionally, they found that low self-perceived mate value, poor flirting capacity, and lower mating effort were associated with more years of being single.

Many singles wonder how having children from prior relationships factors into the mix. Apostolou and Michaelidou looked at this as well, finding that men (but not women) with children from past relationships were more likely to be coupled up than single. They suggest that one explanation could be time-related, noting that men with children would generally have more time than women with children to devote to mating efforts, due to having less child custody. Although obviously, this is not always true because some men have sole custody of their children, it highlights the significance of simply having time available to devote to dating and developing a relationship.

Yet many people flying solo experience dark clouds of loneliness, instead of considering the silver lining. There are many benefits to being single.

The Silver Linings of Singlehood

Singles enjoy an array of advantages that relational partners do not.

The Gift of Time. Singles have the freedom to budget their day according to their own agenda. Avoiding the complications of juggling conflicting calendars, dueling appointments, or joint social obligations avoids the stress and anxiety of contemporary coupledom in a fast-paced world. The luxury of streamlining one’s schedule avoids social chaos and creates contentment.

Solo Self-Care. Responsible, loving partners put each other first. Yet daily routines that revolve around taking care of significant others can result in self-neglect and self-sacrifice. Just as flight attendants remind us to put our own masks on first before assisting others, singles can focus on taking care of themselves, so they will be in their best shape to care for others.

When Flying Solo, the Sky Is the Limit. Singles can freely make plans. Unencumbered with the complications of coordinating schedules with a partner, singles can consider opportunities, and take them. Calendar control creates hope and excitement considering the world full of opportunities and adventures awaiting singles able to take flight.

While many singles enjoy the advantages of their solo lifestyle, those who are looking for a mate should consider that when the right person comes along, they will be confidently ready to step out, having benefited from the time spent cultivating their best self.

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