Are You Wasting Your Life Chasing (Fantasy) Ghosts?

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Ask yourself what is important and valuable in your life, and what is it that you want to protect, and you'll probably think of your health and well-being, as well as the well-being of your family. That's if you are middle-aged.

If you are younger, you are likely to attach a lot of importance to your future prospects, and to issues regarding relationships and self-esteem. It seems paradoxical therefore that we should invest so much energy and emotion in things that have little to do with these universal values, instead spending much of our lives chasing myriad, irrelevant ghosts that aren't based on reality and that will forever remain elusive.

There are several different varieties of ghosts that populate our lives. There is, first of all, the happiness ghost, which I have commented on in previous posts and extensively in my book. This is a big ghost because nature hasn't designed us to be happy, only to survive and reproduce.

But there are smaller ghosts that influence our behavior and how we plan our lives and spend our resources. For instance, many chase an ideal image of themselves, vaguely conceived and based on what they see in social media, films, and commercials. This is the "ideal me" ghost. There is also, of course, the "ideal partner" ghost, who has no annoying habits and is infinitely tolerant and charming.

Then we have even smaller, and yet potentially disruptive, little ghosts. I am referring here to the material fantasies that litter our lives: Some may, for instance, wish to acquire a rugged SUV equipped to cross the jungles of the Amazon, even though it will only be used to negotiate suburban roads; others will pine after the perfect house that will embody within its walls the very idea of family bliss.

Reality Trumps Fantasy

Reality is the counterpoint to all these fantasies: The real me is inevitably flawed, and so is the real partner, while any magic expected from material possessions will dissipate instantly on exposure to reality. More importantly, our mixed and messy emotions will never live up to the ideal of happiness.

To be fair, we are meant to dream and desire, so looking at the clouds is not necessarily unhealthy, as long as we keep our feet on the ground. Desire is, after all, an important drive in our lives, even when its ultimate goals are unattainable. Desire also looks forward, which is positive, rather than backward. It is better to chase ghosts than to be chased by them.