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Weaponized Incompetence
Weaponized incompetence, also called strategic incompetence, is when someone knowingly or unknowingly demonstrates an inability to perform or master certain tasks, thereby leading others to take on more work. This generally occurs in two domains—in the household, between partners, and at work, between colleagues. Consistently, weaponized incompetence leads to an unequal division of labor.
Weaponized incompetence involves strategically avoiding responsibility—by pretending to be incapable or inept at a task so that someone else helps, takes over, or stops delegating tasks to them. In this way, the imbalance becomes entrenched over time.
For example, let’s say a woman says to her husband: “I’m going to change and feed the baby. Could you make dinner?” In the context of weaponized incompetence, the husband may say something like: “Oh I’m such a bad cook! You’re so much better. What should I make?” As a result of him complaining, asking several questions, or not cooking the meal, the woman may take on the task herself because it feels more efficient to stop delegating cooking tasks, or other tasks, altogether.
At work, for example, a coworker might say, “Oh I’m so bad at PowerPoint. Could you prepare the presentation for tomorrow morning? Powerpoint is your specialty.”
Weaponized incompetence can strain relationships, whether at home, at work, or in another sphere, by breeding frustration, resentment, distrust, and conflict. Therefore, if this dynamic emerges, it’s important to discuss it to resolve the inequality.
Weaponized incompetence may occur because the person wants to avoid responsibility, aspects of the work make them anxious or uncomfortable, or they disagree with how the work is being carried out. For some childhood experiences and patterns play a role. For example, someone may have taken on the bulk of the household responsibilities in childhood while another may have been expected to only strive for academic and financial success, never thinking about the household. Examining these early roles and beliefs can help explain and overcome weaponized incompetence.
Yes, incompetence isn’t always intentional. Sometimes a necessary skill, tool, or piece of knowledge is missing. At work, for example, slow technology or bottlenecks may prevent employees from completing their work faster. Asking a coworker or direct report about their experience and being open to their response can help shed light on potential barriers. Weaponized incompetence is also more likely to occur if there is a consistent pattern rather than an isolated incident.
To address weaponized incompetence, both individuals should openly discuss the situation with one another. It’s best to begin the conversation with curiosity and non-judgment rather than blame. Listen to the other person’s perspective. Explore what may be at the root of this behavior.
Next, both people should work together to find a solution. They can work on gaining the necessary skills or knowledge and take ownership of different tasks. Concrete to-do lists or schedules can help to minimize ambiguity about who is responsible for completing what task and when; everyone should eventually have the same expectations. It’s also important to periodically assess progress, and make adjustments as needed, to make sure that equality is achieved over time.
In some instances, incompetence can be seen as mindlessness, and mindfulness therefore presents an antidote. Paying attention to the present moment can help people notice previously invisible emotions, motives, and relationship dynamics. Mindfulness can also encourage collaboration and acceptance of differences.
Yes, a mental health professional can help people recognize and overcome weaponized incompetence. In the case of a relationship, couples therapy could be especially beneficial in helping both members of the couple understand their behavior, change their patterns, and sustain their progress over time.
